WHAT IF I FAIL 6TH TIME IN HSC BOARD EXAM ?

Mathematics My Enemy?

Let me start with my introduction. My self  Mohit and I am 23 years old. My hometown is in Thane District, Maharashtra. I come from a typical south Indian middle-class family basically very spiritual.

I have grown up as the naughtiest child in my home. My parents have always fulfilled all my wishes and needs. But being naughty after my class 5 I wished to live away from home and went to Bangalore lived with my uncle. This is when I realized I was poor in maths.😄

I gave a couple of tests for admission to some very good schools. But initially failed to clear and hence landed to a nearby school which was good enough. I had an admission in the ICSE syllabus with no other option to choose from. 

Though coming from an English medium school I wasn't very fluent in speaking English. I was bullied in school for my accent. It took some months for me to socialize with other students. With every exam and tests, I struggled with maths. I couldn't even do basic math.

I was again back to my hometown and joined the same school in my class 8, but everything was different back to the state syllabus. Until the SSC class 10 exam somehow I managed to pass. But I knew if I do not prepare well I would fail.

When I was in class 11 my class teacher suggested me to opt for geography other than mathematics after looking at my poor scores.

I also had opted for special classes which were for a hefty fee, my father wanted me to be an engineer so I could not drop mathematics subject. While I was in class 12th my maths had become worst.

Whenever there were tests or maths class I used to genuinely miss it fearing not able to do maths and also that my friends would laugh at me which could embarrass me. I was caught I was bullied for being poor in maths. I just wanted to pass the HSC exam somehow.

In 2015 February month I appeared for my board exams, everything went well until the maths paper. The moment I saw the questioned paper I went blank I couldn't think anything. I was shivering, sweating, intense. My friends in the same room were copying which I haven't done before. The final bell rang I realized time up. Quietly without talking to anyone I ran out to my home.

Day after the exam I started preparing for the next exam than the other. Board exams ended summer vacation started I went to my native. Results were about to be declared in April-may.

The day when the results were about to declare me and my grandma was traveling on a bus journey back to my hometown. I had a feeling that with practical marks and some MCQs I wrote a maths paper I would definitely pass. But fate had something else with me.

While on a bus journey at around 2pm afternoon I went to back seat of the bus and waited for my results. After some moment I saw my results and the first thing I saw was "FAIL" I broke out badly burst with tears and crying. I didn't even see my result correctly and thought I failed in more than 2 subjects. 

I cried after my grandma, people started looking at me. An hour later I again went back seat of the bus. Negative thoughts kept coming into my mind. I got so depressed that I decided to jump off the running bus or ran away at the next stop. My grandma realized suddenly she dragged me on to her seat aside until we deboard to our destination stop.

Reaching my hometown I again broke in front of my dad that I couldn't pass. Thankfully I had so much positiveness and good advice from my friends and family members.

So this was my story until I failed in HSC MATHS for the first attempt in 2015. But this wasn't the end. It just started!

2015 October - 2016 February - 2017 February - 2017 July this many times I have given attempts to clear my HSC Mathematics paper. And initially failed with 5 - 15 fewer marks to pass.

While in 2018 I decided to move on and do what I had an interest in. I moved to Bangalore again and learned VFX and graphic design. Until today I have worked with 2-3 companies as an intern and part-time. I also do freelancing works occasionally.

Today I am happy that I choose VFX as my career and not engineering. I love to do my work happily and want to grow more in my field of interest. And a lot of opportunities waiting for me which can help me grow to live a good life. 

2020's corona pandemic has created many problems for everyone including me but hence work from home has become a new normal. I decided to come back to my hometown and reappearing for a final try for my HSC mathematics paper which is scheduled to be in December 1st.

It's been more than 2 years since I appeared for my past exam. Still good with the internet got some online classes and books. Started off well for a week continuously but now again seems lost not getting interested doing maths. I think I found myself having Dyscalculia or maybe too late to gain interest in studies.

My whole point of expressing my story is I will still try my best to pass in maths in the coming exam for the last time. But my career won't affect me anyway because I already got my passion my interest as my career and believe I will succeed in it.

"FAILING IS JUST BEGINNING TO YOUR SUCCESS"